Nice Guys Finish First? by Dara Goldberg


Last month, I had the pleasure of seeing Doug Sandler give a presentation at The Philips Collection. Doug has recently released a book, Nice Guys Finish First  about how to effectively build and maintain relationships. I have to admit, the title sounded intriguing, and so I decided not to skim through his book online and spoil the mini-seminar since I wanted to hear the author make his case in person. 

During his talk, Doug even pointed out that nothing he was saying was revolutionary. In fact, he said, everyone is already aware of most of his points, and even more importantly, they already know they should be following them. I thoroughly enjoy going to these types of talks as a refresher, to... well... keep myself sharp. Here is what I learned at this talk:

Note: Doug was speaking to a room full of sales and marketing executives -- apologies if sales or marketing is not your full time job -- but I believe this can be applicable to any industry!

We all know that communication is the key to relationships, and luckily for you, according to Doug, you're in more control than you think. When you're interacting with a client, you want to feel a human connection to that other person. People want to work with businesses focused on making an exceptional customer experience, rather than exceptional products. In order to get there, you need to connect with your customers, clients, prospects, or leads. The simplest interactions can deliver enriched, meaningful relationships; however, they can get botched by the silliest things.

The Five BIG Mistakes People Make:

  1. Failure to Listen
  2. Over Promising and Under Delivering
  3. Poor Response Time, i.e. replying to a text several days later (Why pay that forward? Don't be that person...)
  4. Failure to Have a System / Failure to be Consistent
  5. Failure to Care -- the Holy Grail of them all

OK, so all of the above are not easy habits to break. But you can turn all of this around, and position both yourself and your clients in a win/win situation. If you truly want to succeed, you will strive for leaving other people feeling good about themselves and thereby wanting a deeper more engaging relationship with you and your business. Don't forget that creating systems is very important for your daily operations, since it will build that trust and consistency that clients crave. Oh, and advising and educating your clients, rather than 'selling to your clients' will lead your client to better decisions.

'Go the extra mile, it's never crowded'

Doug asked us to take a Thirty Day Challenge, the Nice Guy’s Challenge. Here are the Nice Guy Rules:

  • Return Every Phone Call
  • Return Every Email
  • Deliver on Every Promise
  • Be on Time. Every Time
  • Send Two Messages a Day (texts or emails to two people you haven't spoken to in at least 3o days. Something quick, 'Hey, I'm thinking about you, and hope you're having a great day')

I’ve decided that December will be great month to do this. The theory behind this is to throw positivity into the universe like a handful of glitter. You get what you give, you know, the golden rule of the universe:

'Treat others as you would like to be treated'

As I said earlier, I believe anyone can benefit from this type of advice. I highly recommend Doug’s Podcast as well. I started listening to some of the episodes on my morning walks and I've been learning a lot of great tips to incorporate into my daily work.

About Dara Goldberg (in her own words):

I’m just a twenty-something woman, navigating her way through this strange, yet fascinating, adventure called life. I’m a sunshine, sand, and ocean loving  Florida girl, currently living in the heart of Washington, DC with my boyfriend, Alex. We have a house full of herbs, succulents, and cacti we are attempting to keep alive. Check out Dara's lifestyle blog at Peonies+Bees.


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